…Last Days of Summer

In fact I’ve been known to say that “Sleep is delicious.” It’s that important and I crave any opportunity to headlock some REM sleep. But there I was EVERY SATURDAY (that I was in town) since Summer 2021 PLAYING tennis. Just when I thought I couldn’t add anything more to my life, pursuing the dreams of my heart, and in this case tennis, I unlocked time. I unlocked peace. I unlocked another level of alignment. Through the act of PLAY, where there is no agenda but to improve in the act of JOY, I have found sovereignty. Play has allowed me to grow closer to myself.

Closer to the little girl Mara that I have made wait on me until I dealt with all the “woulda coulda shouldas” in my life. But in that headspace of PLAY, I found that ideas of the things I was working on during the week flowed. I’m talking about writing, empire building, Mom’s To Do list, etc. After tennis it was 8:30am and I had the whole day ahead of me, instead of rushing back home, I allowed the energy to linger, and incorporated a routine around getting my favorite matcha and finding a scenic view to allow me to catch some of the ideas that I had while being in the moment of Play.

Treasures I would take back to the office on Monday and impress my team, ideas of outings that would connect me closer to Salim, remembering that thing to do for our sons that made them say, “thank you, Mom.” All that dedication also readied me for Summer 2022 where I had the confidence to book courts and plan meet-ups with other friends who played tennis and were spending the summer on island. I played about 12 times this summer. And like in LA, I created a ritual in MV of driving across the island to get my favorite matcha tea [thank you Nina @behindthebookstore in Vineyard Haven] and take a moment to capture the many ideas pouring out of me and into my journal.

It was also during those peaceful drives with a smile on my face and the wind blowing through my hair that I volunteered to be a missionary to spread the gospel of PLAY. Especially to Black Women, who often put so much ahead of our heart’s desires– like our hair, other people and their needs, fears, our excuses, our TO DO lists, and our sleep. The pure act of being focused on something you want to do for no other reason than it makes you happy is a REVOLUTION that I want to lead. It’s a key ingredient to how to live a creative life with a full heart [my personal mission].

The benefits of learning to live in the moment, the confidence gained from being consistent, and by proxy improving your game is like no other. But it’s the attitude adjustment that allows for synergy and peace with loved ones and my relationship with myself in this lifetime that blows my mind. Here I was thinking I had to do the most with everyone else to further bond, but it’s finding something that allowed me to bond with myself that made the relationships dear to me even better. If anything my JOY has attracted them to the sport so we can PLAY together.

I was crawling to my family summer vacation in the Vineyard that began August 1st. And from the moment I hit the island, I dropped my bags and rested. Summer of 2022 I actually did nothing. Most “vacations” are always mixed with a little work. But for 2 weeks I actually stopped and allowed myself to not think. It was a luxury beyond.

Literally, the first day of vacation I ate a whole edible. I had some champagne. I had some good sex and y’all I slept for a week. Waking only to eat, go for a walk, and tire myself out to nap again. When the office called for a quick question, I had no answers.

Here’s the beauty… in that rest more ideas came. The ideas from rest and play flooded me. Not like a terrible storm, but a needed rain that fills up the lake to go swimming. The creative ideas for the projects I was developing for my deal at Netflix, which I was taking a break from, just showed up and laid beside me. Answers to other personal questions and endeavors were answered effortlessly. It no longer bounced back and forth in the overthink tiebreak of my mind. So when I returned to work while working remotely, I got so much done in the focused hours allotted that I still managed beach and social time. AND I moved my firstborn into college without stressing out.

I’m telling you as a recovering “never rest” person who always thought I needed to be busy or look busy to prove to myself that I am doing my best, rest is the super highway to clarity, time management, and progress. Never resting is really just driving ourselves into the ground. PLAY and REST have restored me and put me in better alignment with my work, family, and personal goals. My ability to hear my true voice in these moments and recognize they are ME has come from the practice and immersion of play and rest. In that state, you can tell the “real you” from the “ego you.” You also have the energy to put your focus on the things you truly want vs. what you think you need. [Please check out @thenapministry who has dedicated real wisdom and research around the necessity of rest, especially for Black folks]

The first week was REST. The second week was PLAY. The whole month was CELEBRATION.

Every moment is a gift. And I have vowed to toast more LIFE, especially at a time of so much death. Celebrating the life you manifest is an opportunity to dance with God. So glasses up for this year. We successfully moved our firstborn into his Dream College (NYU) and we managed to get the COVER STORY in Elle Decor’s September Issue. Even the reunions with friends to tell them that we love them and why they inspire us, like the day me and Michelle Trotter sat on the beach with our good friends Michele Gee and Toyin Love to tell them about our dear friend Melba Farquhar and how she is the woman who has inspired me so much for the dreams of my life. I’ve been chasing Melba.

She is a Black woman I saw living a life of joy, beauty, design, art, pleasure, dinner parties, support, home, rest, play, and love. So instead of just talking about her, we had a brunch to honor her and tell her what we thought about her. We cracked open several bottles of champagne and ate pastries, turkey bacon, and zucchini bread from our favorite spot on the island [@morninggloryfarmmv]. The kids took turns riding the ATV like it was a ride at Disneyland and our energy attracted our new neighbors to join the party, thus expanding the joy and genuine connection. At the end of August, I left that island feeling fulfilled, inspired, and dedicated to learning how to bring PLAY, REST, and CELEBRATION into my life of WORK, HUSTLE, and BUSY.

Raising that antenna attracts all that you need. It’s like God gives you treats to sustain your life so that you can continue to play and follow your heart’s desires to lead us. Heart’s desire is where we commune with God. And God likes to keep us close so He/She can talk to us and guide us. The other bonus is while we’re just celebrating and taking time out with friends, we thread another opportunity to experience trust. And I believe and have experienced that when we surrender to genuine connection with others in the moment, someone will say something and introduce an idea that answers the questions of your heart, or of your work and suddenly TIME has been added back to your cup.

Each relationship or occurrence has the ability to teach us something. The best understanding I’ve found is in reflection. The chance for our third eye to play back the moments of life we were truly engaged in for our deeper understanding. My summers have been the balance to a lot of my driven life. They are deep immersion exercises to train me for a lifestyle I want to master. A life that has no distinction between work and play.

A life that includes relentless joy and rest and celebration, whether it’s finally making that bookmarked recipe, taking a walk or a run, reading for pleasure, writing whimsical essays, doing a puzzle, being a present parent, or enjoying edible sex (that’s another essay for another time). Making some room in life for these things makes the writing I do for work be linked to FLOW. And flow is an abundant source of power accessed through ease that promises brilliance. Why? Because God resides in the Flow of Life. I figured out something in the Summer of 2022… the intentional act of Play, Rest, and Celebration are tuning keys in our life to the song we want to play.